A Ten-Minute Play
by
Kevin Six
© 2008 Kevin Six
All rights reserved.
AT RISE
A theatre sits lonely and possibly a little dusty. There is covered furniture upstage (three or
more chairs) and a table downstage and, perhaps, a ghost light. THE MAN enters, perhaps from a side
door. He carries a briefcase and readies
the stage for what can only be a staged reading. He is remarkable only in how normal he looks
and acts. Dressed casually but tidily,
his clothes and briefcase are tasteful but not ostentatious. He is cheery as he goes about his task and
talks to himself.
THE MAN
So much to do. Even
for a staged reading as small as this.
Oh, but a very important audience to be sure. Very important people. Command performance.
THE MAN disappears off stage and the lights come up. Nothing special. Just a house plot. He readies some props and, almost accidentally,
uncovers two of the chairs to reveal BAD ACTOR and BAD ACTRESS. They are not eager to be at the staged
reading as evidenced by the rope and gags.
They are bound to their chairs.
THE MAN
Oh you’re already here.
So good of you to come. It was absolutely
hell booking the theatre. Getting the
exact date and time. The set-up. Everything had to be perfect don’t you know. Perfect.
Well the show’s about to begin, Ladies and Gentlemen. So take your seats… You do like your seats? Not too close to the action? No. I
don’t think so. I think it’s
perfect. You will no doubt have an
excellent view of the proceedings.
He opens a briefcase rather dramatically and pulls out…programs and
scripts, which he places before the BAD ACTORS on the music stands we thought
were reserved for the staged reading.
There is something else in the briefcase…
You like that? Nice
script, eh? Wouldn’t you like to get
your hands on it? To sink your teeth
into the role? Oh but look closely. If you do, you’ll both see your unworthy
handprints all over these scripts.
Yes. Not easy to get after all
this time but then again they were never yours to begin with, were they? No.
See? No notes. Just handprints. The process, as you’ll soon see, is so very
important for the good actor. Don’t you
agree? Well, no, you wouldn’t, would
you?
As if on cue, there is a knock at the door – the same one through which
THE MAN entered at the beginning. THE
MAN checks his watch.
THE MAN
Not just right on time. Early by ten minutes. That is what I call professional. Don’t you think? I do.
Always professional of actors to be a little early in case there are any
last minute details. Oh, don’t get
up. I’ll get the door.
He opens the door and now there enter the GOOD ACTOR and GOOD
ACTRESS. They are dressed as casually
and tidily as THE MAN. They hold scripts
that look like they’ve been gone over thoroughly; wrinkled, turned up,
highlighted, notated. THE MAN pulls them
aside.
GOOD ACTOR
Hi.
GOOD ACTRESS
Hi.
THE MAN
You’re here! Thank
you so much for coming. Especially under
the (he whispers, acknowledging the bound
couple upstage) odd circumstances.
Everyone speaks in hushed, reverential tones in honor of the sexual
deviants they are serving.
GOOD ACTRESS
No problem.
GOOD ACTOR
Yeah, we didn’t have much time..
THE MAN
No, it’s supposed to be informal.
GOOD ACTRES
This is their thing?
THE MAN
Oh yes. They want to
be right on stage with you. Keep your
backs to them, as if they were sneaking in on your performance.
GOOD ACTOR
Wow…
THE MAN
Yes, they have an odd proclivity but pay well.
GOOD ACTOR
Yeah, thanks for the money in advance. Are you sure?
THE MAN
Oh, yes. That’s part
of it. Paying dearly…
GOOD ACTRESS
Yeas. Thanks, it’s…
THE MAN
Don’t mention it.
Ever. That’s also part of the
deal, remember.
Everyone smiles and nods. The
GOOD ACTORS take their places down stage of the bound couple and read from
their scripts but perform excellently.
THE MAN
And now! Direct from New
York, two actual actors. Good actors.
Actors who can do what you only dream of in your pitiful fantasies (he winks at the GOOD ACTORS), as you are
nothing but pitiful, puking pustules on the cankered ass of actors who are only
one percent of the actors these people are!
These people, whose names you are not even worthy of knowing, will now
perform only one scene from the play you so malishiously maligned in your
pitiful attempt to, as you call it, “enact” the roles! Behold, you worthless, sniveling, horrible
little…. bad… actors. The scene as it
should be done.
With a nod from the man, the GOOD ACTORS look at each other, engage
emotionally, and begin the scene.
GOOD ACTOR
How can you—?
GOOD ACTRESS
You have to ask?
GOOD ACTOR
Of course I have to ask.
You—
GOOD ACTRESS
Me? We’re talking
about you and your—
GOOD ACTOR
My What? You have no
proof—
GOOD ACTRESS
Proof? Who needs
proof, when I can see it in your eyes! I
can see it in your body language, Robert.
How do you think I feel when you hold me in your arms and she’s in your
thoughts? When you make love to her
while it’s my body you hold?
GOOD ACTOR
You knew? All along?
GOOD ACTRESS
Of course, Robert!
GOOD ACTOR
But how, Melanie? I
never—
GOOD ACTRESS
Never what? Wanted to
betray me? Never wanted me to find
out? What? Tell me!
GOOD ACTOR
I never wanted it to go this far. I just—
GOOD ACTRESS
Wanted a one time shot?
GOOD ACTOR
Please, Melanie, let me talk! I never wanted to happen in the first
place! It was after the…
GOOD ACTRESS
Oh. You knew?
GOOD ACTOR
How could I not? He
was so nice, so polite. You were both so
considerate to each other and to me. It
was plainly obvious that you’d—
GOOD ACTRESS
Oh, Robert. How did
you—
GOOD ACTOR
How did you know, Melanie?
We’re connected. We’re—
GOOD ACTRESS
A mess.
GOOD ACTOR
Yeah.
BOTH
I did it to punish you!
GOOD ACTRESS
I thought—
GOOD ACTOR
So did I—
BOTH
Oh, God!
GOOD ACTOR
Now what?
GOOD ACTRESS
I don’t know. I… I…
But I need you—
GOOD ACTOR
To bounce things off of.
Me too.
GOOD ACTRESS
Who else can I—
GOOD ACTOR
Tell things to. And
now we have no secrets. Can we—?
GOOD ACTRESS
I don’t know. I hope—
GOOD ACTOR
Me too.
They embrace. There is silence.
THE MAN
Oh. Excellent. I wish I could tell you how much your
performance meant to me but there’s still so much to do.
GOOD ACTRESS
There’s more?
THE MAN
You have no idea.
GOOD ACTOR
All right. We’ll be
off then. Good night.
GOOD ACTRESS
Yeah. Thanks again.
They exit. THE MAN turns to the
BAD ACTORS and retrieves a handgun from the briefcase. He then un-gags the actors.
BAD ACTRESS
Is that how—?
BAD ACTOR
I had no idea...
THE MAN
Of course you had no idea!
You are idiots. Whoever told you
you could act should be—
BAD ACTOR
But it wasn’t all our fault!
BAD ACTRESS
The director—
THE MAN
Don’t say that! Don’t
call him that! He doesn’t deserve to be
called that!
He uncovers the person in the third chair as he speaks. The BAD ACTORS gasp.
BAD ACTOR & BAD
ACTRESS
Mr. Lawn!
THE MAN
Oh yes. You don’t
think I would break up that great team that RUINED my play two years ago in
this very theatre? On this very
night!? No. Mr. Lawn isn’t worthy to see acting like you
just experienced but he will get to see what could be your final
performance. Unless, by chance, you’re
good.
BAD ACTRESS
What?
BAD ACTOR
I don’t get it.
THE MAN
No, I don’t think you do.
You will both have one chance to redeem yourselves. You have seen how real actors do it. Now you will please act the scene. Do it well – even three percent as well as
you have seen – and you live. Do what
you did to this play in this hall on this night to years ago and you all die.
BAD ACTRESS
Mr. Lawn too?
BAD ACTOR
But what did he do?
THE MAN
He cast you! And if
you don’t act as well as you can. Better
than you ever have in your miserable life.
Then he will have the pleasure of seeing you die on stage. Again.
He unties the BAD ACTORS who begin the scene.
They leave nice pauses for each other.
They saw the air. They say only
the lines and then as if they “acted” them.
It is a mercy killing when THE MAN has had enough.
BAD ACTOR
How can you—?
BAD ACTRESS
You have to ask?
BAD ACTOR
Of course I have to ask.
You—
BAD ACTRESS
Me? We’re talking
about you and your—
BAD ACTOR
My What? You have no
proof—
BAD ACTRESS
Proof? Who needs
proof, when I can see it in your eyes! I
can see it in your body language, Robert.
How do you think I feel when you hold me in your arms and she’s in your
thoughts? When you make love to her
while it’s my body you hold?
BAD ACTOR
You knew? All along?
BAD ACTRESS
Of course, Robert!
BAD ACTOR
But how, Melanie? I
never—
BAD ACTRESS
Never what? Wanted to
betray me? Never wanted me to find
out? What? Tell me!
BAD ACTOR
I never wanted it to go this far. I just—
BAD ACTRESS
Wanted a one time shot?
BAD ACTOR
Please, Melanie, let me talk! I never wanted to happen in the first
place! It was after the…
BAD ACTRESS
Oh. You knew?
BAD ACTOR
How could I not? He
was so nice, so polite. You were both so
considerate to each other and to me. It
was plainly obvious that you’d—
BAD ACTRESS
Oh, Robert. How did
you—
BAD ACTOR
How did you know, Melanie?
We’re connected. We’re—
BAD ACTRESS
A mess.
BAD ACTOR
Yeah.
BOTH
I did it to punish you!
BAD ACTRESS
I thought—
BAD ACTOR
So did I—
BOTH
Oh, God!
BAD ACTOR
Now what?
BAD ACTRESS
I don’t know. I… I…
But I need you—
BAD ACTOR
To bounce things off of.
Me too.
BAD ACTRESS
Who else can I—
BAD ACTOR
Tell things to. And
now we have no secrets. Can we—?
BAD ACTRESS
I don’t know. I hope—
BAD ACTOR
Me too.
They embrace as the lights fade.
A very loud, very real gunshot is heard.
Enough to make the audience scream.
Again.
NOTE: If done properly (properly badly), the second scene should take
too long. It would be funny for the BAD
ACTORS to die on “I did it to punish you” but, after a good run through,
everyone should know on what line the lights should fade and the gunshot puts
the audience out of their misery.
END
