Command Performance

A Ten-Minute Play

by Kevin Six

© 2008 Kevin Six

All rights reserved.

 

AT RISE

 

A theatre sits lonely and possibly a little dusty.  There is covered furniture upstage (three or more chairs) and a table downstage and, perhaps, a ghost light.  THE MAN enters, perhaps from a side door.  He carries a briefcase and readies the stage for what can only be a staged reading.  He is remarkable only in how normal he looks and acts.  Dressed casually but tidily, his clothes and briefcase are tasteful but not ostentatious.  He is cheery as he goes about his task and talks to himself.

 

THE MAN

So much to do.  Even for a staged reading as small as this.  Oh, but a very important audience to be sure.  Very important people.  Command performance.

 

THE MAN disappears off stage and the lights come up.  Nothing special.  Just a house plot.  He readies some props and, almost accidentally, uncovers two of the chairs to reveal BAD ACTOR and BAD ACTRESS.  They are not eager to be at the staged reading as evidenced by the rope and gags.  They are bound to their chairs.

 

THE MAN

Oh you’re already here.  So good of you to come.  It was absolutely hell booking the theatre.  Getting the exact date and time.  The set-up.  Everything had to be perfect don’t you know.  Perfect.

 

Well the show’s about to begin, Ladies and Gentlemen.  So take your seats…  You do like your seats?  Not too close to the action?  No.  I don’t think so.  I think it’s perfect.  You will no doubt have an excellent view of the proceedings. 

 

He opens a briefcase rather dramatically and pulls out…programs and scripts, which he places before the BAD ACTORS on the music stands we thought were reserved for the staged reading.  There is something else in the briefcase…

 

You like that?  Nice script, eh?  Wouldn’t you like to get your hands on it?  To sink your teeth into the role?  Oh but look closely.  If you do, you’ll both see your unworthy handprints all over these scripts.  Yes.  Not easy to get after all this time but then again they were never yours to begin with, were they?  No.   See?  No notes.  Just handprints.  The process, as you’ll soon see, is so very important for the good actor.  Don’t you agree?  Well, no, you wouldn’t, would you?

 

As if on cue, there is a knock at the door – the same one through which THE MAN entered at the beginning.   THE MAN checks his watch.

THE MAN

Not just right on time.  Early by ten minutes.  That is what I call professional.  Don’t you think?  I do.  Always professional of actors to be a little early in case there are any last minute details.  Oh, don’t get up.  I’ll get the door.

 

He opens the door and now there enter the GOOD ACTOR and GOOD ACTRESS.  They are dressed as casually and tidily as THE MAN.  They hold scripts that look like they’ve been gone over thoroughly; wrinkled, turned up, highlighted, notated.  THE MAN pulls them aside.

 

GOOD ACTOR

Hi. 

 

GOOD ACTRESS

Hi.

 

THE MAN

You’re here!  Thank you so much for coming.  Especially under the (he whispers, acknowledging the bound couple upstage) odd circumstances.

 

Everyone speaks in hushed, reverential tones in honor of the sexual deviants they are serving.

 

GOOD ACTRESS

No problem.

 

GOOD ACTOR

Yeah, we didn’t have much time..

 

THE MAN

No, it’s supposed to be informal.

 

GOOD ACTRES

This is their thing?

 

THE MAN

Oh yes.  They want to be right on stage with you.  Keep your backs to them, as if they were sneaking in on your performance. 

 

GOOD ACTOR

Wow…

 

THE MAN

Yes, they have an odd proclivity but pay well. 

GOOD ACTOR

Yeah, thanks for the money in advance.  Are you sure?

 

THE MAN

Oh, yes.  That’s part of it.  Paying dearly…

 

GOOD ACTRESS

Yeas.  Thanks, it’s…

 

THE MAN

Don’t mention it.  Ever.  That’s also part of the deal, remember.

 

Everyone smiles and nods.  The GOOD ACTORS take their places down stage of the bound couple and read from their scripts but perform excellently.

 

THE MAN

And now! Direct from New York, two actual actors.  Good actors.  Actors who can do what you only dream of in your pitiful fantasies (he winks at the GOOD ACTORS), as you are nothing but pitiful, puking pustules on the cankered ass of actors who are only one percent of the actors these people are!  These people, whose names you are not even worthy of knowing, will now perform only one scene from the play you so malishiously maligned in your pitiful attempt to, as you call it, “enact” the roles!  Behold, you worthless, sniveling, horrible little…. bad… actors.  The scene as it should be done.

 

With a nod from the man, the GOOD ACTORS look at each other, engage emotionally, and begin the scene.

 

GOOD ACTOR

How can you—?

 

GOOD ACTRESS

You have to ask?

 

GOOD ACTOR

Of course I have to ask.  You—

 

GOOD ACTRESS

Me?  We’re talking about you and your—

 

GOOD ACTOR

My What?  You have no proof—

 

 

 

GOOD ACTRESS

Proof?  Who needs proof, when I can see it in your eyes!  I can see it in your body language, Robert.  How do you think I feel when you hold me in your arms and she’s in your thoughts?  When you make love to her while it’s my body you hold?

 

GOOD ACTOR

You knew?  All along?

 

GOOD ACTRESS

Of course, Robert!

 

GOOD ACTOR

But how, Melanie?  I never—

 

GOOD ACTRESS

Never what?  Wanted to betray me?  Never wanted me to find out?  What?  Tell me!

 

GOOD ACTOR

I never wanted it to go this far.  I just—

 

GOOD ACTRESS

Wanted a one time shot?

 

GOOD ACTOR

Please, Melanie, let me talk!  I never wanted to happen in the first place!  It was after the…

 

GOOD ACTRESS

Oh.  You knew?

 

GOOD ACTOR

How could I not?  He was so nice, so polite.  You were both so considerate to each other and to me.  It was plainly obvious that you’d—

 

GOOD ACTRESS

Oh, Robert.  How did you—

 

GOOD ACTOR

How did you know, Melanie?  We’re connected.  We’re—

 

GOOD ACTRESS

A mess.

 

GOOD ACTOR

Yeah.

 

BOTH

I did it to punish you!

 

GOOD ACTRESS

I thought—

 

GOOD ACTOR

So did I—

 

BOTH

Oh, God!

 

GOOD ACTOR

Now what?

 

GOOD ACTRESS

I don’t know.  I… I… But I need you—

 

GOOD ACTOR

To bounce things off of.  Me too.

 

GOOD ACTRESS

Who else can I—

 

GOOD ACTOR

Tell things to.  And now we have no secrets.  Can we—?

 

GOOD ACTRESS

I don’t know.  I hope—

 

GOOD ACTOR

Me too.

 

They embrace.  There is silence.

 

THE MAN

Oh.  Excellent.  I wish I could tell you how much your performance meant to me but there’s still so much to do.

 

GOOD ACTRESS

There’s more?

 

THE MAN

You have no idea.

 

GOOD ACTOR

All right.  We’ll be off then.  Good night.

 

GOOD ACTRESS

Yeah.  Thanks again.

 

They exit.  THE MAN turns to the BAD ACTORS and retrieves a handgun from the briefcase.  He then un-gags the actors.

 

BAD ACTRESS

Is that how—?

 

BAD ACTOR

I had no idea...

 

THE MAN

Of course you had no idea!  You are idiots.  Whoever told you you could act should be—

 

BAD ACTOR

But it wasn’t all our fault!

 

BAD ACTRESS

The director—

 

THE MAN

Don’t say that!  Don’t call him that!  He doesn’t deserve to be called that!

 

He uncovers the person in the third chair as he speaks.  The BAD ACTORS gasp.

 

BAD ACTOR & BAD ACTRESS

Mr. Lawn!

 

THE MAN

Oh yes.  You don’t think I would break up that great team that RUINED my play two years ago in this very theatre?  On this very night!?  No.  Mr. Lawn isn’t worthy to see acting like you just experienced but he will get to see what could be your final performance.  Unless, by chance, you’re good.

 

BAD ACTRESS

What?

 

BAD ACTOR

I don’t get it.

 

THE MAN

No, I don’t think you do.  You will both have one chance to redeem yourselves.  You have seen how real actors do it.  Now you will please act the scene.  Do it well – even three percent as well as you have seen – and you live.  Do what you did to this play in this hall on this night to years ago and you all die.

 

BAD ACTRESS

Mr. Lawn too?

 

BAD ACTOR

But what did he do?

 

THE MAN

He cast you!  And if you don’t act as well as you can.  Better than you ever have in your miserable life.  Then he will have the pleasure of seeing you die on stage. Again.

 

 

He unties the BAD ACTORS who begin the scene.

They leave nice pauses for each other.  They saw the air.  They say only the lines and then as if they “acted” them.  It is a mercy killing when THE MAN has had enough.

 

BAD ACTOR

How can you—?

 

BAD ACTRESS

You have to ask?

 

BAD ACTOR

Of course I have to ask.  You—

 

BAD ACTRESS

Me?  We’re talking about you and your—

 

BAD ACTOR

My What?  You have no proof—

 

BAD ACTRESS

Proof?  Who needs proof, when I can see it in your eyes!  I can see it in your body language, Robert.  How do you think I feel when you hold me in your arms and she’s in your thoughts?  When you make love to her while it’s my body you hold?

 

BAD ACTOR

You knew?  All along?

 

BAD ACTRESS

Of course, Robert!

 

BAD ACTOR

But how, Melanie?  I never—

 

BAD ACTRESS

Never what?  Wanted to betray me?  Never wanted me to find out?  What?  Tell me!

 

BAD ACTOR

I never wanted it to go this far.  I just—

 

BAD ACTRESS

Wanted a one time shot?

 

BAD ACTOR

Please, Melanie, let me talk!  I never wanted to happen in the first place!  It was after the…

 

BAD ACTRESS

Oh.  You knew?

 

BAD ACTOR

How could I not?  He was so nice, so polite.  You were both so considerate to each other and to me.  It was plainly obvious that you’d—

 

BAD ACTRESS

Oh, Robert.  How did you—

 

BAD ACTOR

How did you know, Melanie?  We’re connected.  We’re—

 

BAD ACTRESS

A mess.

 

BAD ACTOR

Yeah.

 

BOTH

I did it to punish you!

 

BAD ACTRESS

I thought—

 

 

BAD ACTOR

So did I—

 

BOTH

Oh, God!

 

BAD ACTOR

Now what?

 

BAD ACTRESS

I don’t know.  I… I… But I need you—

 

BAD ACTOR

To bounce things off of.  Me too.

 

BAD ACTRESS

Who else can I—

 

BAD ACTOR

Tell things to.  And now we have no secrets.  Can we—?

 

BAD ACTRESS

I don’t know.  I hope—

 

BAD ACTOR

Me too.

 

They embrace as the lights fade.  A very loud, very real gunshot is heard.  Enough to make the audience scream.  Again.

 

NOTE: If done properly (properly badly), the second scene should take too long.  It would be funny for the BAD ACTORS to die on “I did it to punish you” but, after a good run through, everyone should know on what line the lights should fade and the gunshot puts the audience out of their misery.

 

END